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  • Writer's pictureSaddie

Let's Try This Again

Hello you beautiful humans,

... It's been awhile.

When I last posted, I had just started this blog. I had everything planned on how I wanted to do this & then life hit me with a sucker punch. One minute I thought I was okay & the next minute I couldn't even get out of bed. There wasn't a specific thing that caused it, but I just couldn't shake this cloud over my head. I spent most of July in my house, only leaving for doctor appointments. Needless to say, it was a rough month & I only lost 3 pounds.

At the beginning of August, one of my closest friends asked me if I was interested in part time work at her job as they were currently looking for people for the remainder of the season. I'd be lying if I didn't say I started to come up with excuses as to why I couldn't work. It's not that I didn't want to work, it was that I was scared to work because of my anxiety. Automatically all these thoughts came to my head like what if I'm not good enough? What if they automatically count me out as soon as they see me? What if , what if, WHAT IF? Thankfully she didn't let me off the hook that fast & told me she had set up an interview for the next day. I felt like I was going to die! There was no way I was going to let her down by not showing up so there I was on August 1st trying not to throw up in the parking lot. I was walked into a little conference room & waited for what felt like hours but was really like 20 minutes. The person interviewing was the boss of the whole operation & I'm thankful he made the experience calm. He was very nice & was interested in what I had to say & what I can bring to the company. I left feeling that, even if I didn't get the job, it would be okay because I was able to get out there & do something instead of letting my anxiety get the best of me. Baby steps!

I began working August 4th & that's pretty much all my life has consisted of since then & I am okay. The season has slowed down so I'm back to part time but I am okay with that because 1. I still have a job & 2. I can kind of get myself together & focus on all the things I have been neglecting since I started working.

In my last blog post I was 37 pounds down. I am happy to say I am now 54 pounds down! Honestly, I have no idea how because it's been really hard eating right when working when everyone around you is ordering out. By the power of God, I have only ordered out like 6 times because I am human & I do get hungry. But I am grateful that I do have people in the office who know I am on this journey & are routing for me. I can honestly say that I do love my job &, for the most part, I do enjoy the people I work with. It has slowly gotten me out of shell & getting me to be less anxious around people for which I am forever grateful.

As for the rest of my life, I am enjoying just being 23. I've never really had a "normal" life. I've always been in charge of someone or had to do something, I've never been able to act my age whether a 15 year old girl or 23 year old young woman, my life has always been about someone else, never about me. I turn 24 in 11 days & for the first time in a long time, I am excited. I am excited to know what this new year of life has for me. All I hope is that it brings me to a more happy place. For the past 2 months I have felt what happy is & I want more of it. Call me selfish or whatever.

As for plans for this blog, I want to write in it every couple of days, I want to share so much, I have a lot more to write from my 2 months away. This is just a catch up blog post! We are getting into the fall season, my favorite season. I can't wait to share more with those who read! I have gotten feedback from those who have read & I want to cry because the love is overwhelming & all I ever want is for people to never feel like they are alone.

So that's it for now, I will leave you with all of this & will be posting again on Thursday. In the meantime, feel free to listen to my work playlist in my playlist section. It's what helps the days fly by.

All the love,


PS: I've been really into selfies these days which is weird but here are some.

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